29 May I wished I had spoken up earlier
I wished I had spoken up earlier…..
All those years I lived in fear of a possible confrontation, fear of being judged, fear of being misunderstood, fear of losing relationships fear of being lonely fear of being able to survive financially…I stayed quiet, hidden, avoided, agreed….withering away inside believing I shouldn’t, couldn’t, say what I really felt, FEEL what I was really feeling.
Every part of me was NOT ME.
The story I had concocted in my mind of me not being ENOUGH of a wife, partner, mother, sister, daughter, friend served as a reason to stay because I then had to work on something. I had put REASON to why I had to stay that way.So what does it take to break the relentless cycle of the way your do life that isn’t serving you? Firstly a decision. Something we can all do.It took me waking up on the floor too many times too often in a pool of tears, realising that I no longer wanted my children to think this is what a happy marriage was. That this isn’t honouring SELF, or others by me not speaking my truth with the fear I had associated with it. So I spoke up about HOW I no longer loved my then husband. I mean nothing left. 3 years trying to get to counsellors, mental health professionals, help. Do you know how difficult it is to help someone when they don’t believe there is a problem?Yes, I could have handled the situation differently. Knowing now what I know in speaking truth, setting boundaries, understanding how to listen to my body and the mindfulness work I have done, YES I could have done all of it different BUT I could not have discovered and learnt this SELF-EMPOWERMENT, SELF LOVE, if I DIDN’T experience all of that.Understand this. At the time I had no idea what I went through would now allow me to teach others who have self trust problems to be empowered and I am so honoured to offer this work.Please, magnificent beings. Speak your truth or forever hold your pain.There is so much of you that wants to live abundantly in health, happiness, pleasure, joy, fulfilment, peace, adventure and all the bits in between of being seen, heard, appreciated.